Dating in Denton...ugh. It’s rough! Even when it’s good. Even when it’s fun. Even if it’s seemingly perfect. It’s still rough.

Why? She’s lost interest; he’s seemingly disappeared. He’s already fucked your best friend(s); she can’t quit cigarettes; they’re white with dreads; he still lives with his goddamn parents. He refuses to vacuum his apartment; they won’t eat your ass; he can’t keep his fingers out of your butthole. They’re a SoundCloud/open mic musician. He wears sandals. She listens to conservative podcasts. They vape. He uses the phrase “actually…”

These are not made up. They have all happened. To me. And probably some have happened to you, too.

My inbox is littered with the following:

“Tonight?”

“Come over, I’ll buy dinner.”

“Lemme hit you back.”

“What brand of condoms do you have?”

“I just wanna cry on you.”

“I miss your lips around my [redacted].”

“Tomorrow?”

“Wyd?”

“Plans this weekend?”

Don’t worry — half of these were sent by me — and a quarter of these suitors have the last name “Tinder.”

I’m Victoria Vickson (Vix to my friends), and I’m here to serve as part-informant, part-guide, part-sympathizer to those brave enough to face the dating pools of Denton, Texas and beyond. And trust me — it doesn’t improve much as you make concentric circles (concentric golden triangles?) around Denton.  

Join me each week as we explore and navigate the fragile world of romance in Denton, Texas. I promise I won’t constantly complain, but I will be honest. This column will not be limited to only dating, I hope to offer direction on plenty of other issues which accompany the exhausting journey that is Denton dating (double d for short.)

Here are some of the topics I hope we will get to eventually in our time together every week. Tips for Denton-y date ideas, how to start (and continue) conversations, and how to have a successful Tinder/Bumble meet up. Best practices for dealing with a break-up. Grooming and fashion tips. How to tell if you’re on a date or if you’re on a friend-hang. When to run from a hookup. How to gracefully turn someone down.

Where to meet queer folk and ideas on a more LGBTQ-friendly dating scene in Denton. How to date without drinking. Music to listen to while you fuck. How to prepare a few simple meals to impress your carnivore/herbivore/vegan/gluten free date. How to be honest in your relationships while remaining elusive, mysterious, and sexy. How to have a guilt-free one night stand. How to turn that one night stand into a FWB situation. And how to turn that FWB situation into something more.

We’ll have success stories. We’ll have horror stories. We will laugh, we will cry. We will figure this out together, and we’ll have a good time doing it.

All names will be changed to protect the innocent, but mostly so I can freely tell you all the weird, awful shit I’ve gotten myself into — and will continue to get myself into.

See you next week.